Yesterday the family laid Papa Horton and baby Charity to rest next to Jamers. It was very hard for all of us- especially Paul and I. After the service was over Paul and I stayed behind to be with our little baby. It was so hard to imagine my first child, my first pride and joy that I wanted to grow inside my belly for my husband, was in a box and was going in the ground. I know I’ve said that there’s victory because Paul and I already have one child that made it to Heaven, but that also means I don’t get to hold my child, to show it the affection that I’ve been craving to give it, to be the mother I have always wanted to be.
I have started feeling emotions I didn’t even know I could have- and come to find out its completely normal. I still don’t blame anyone, even God, for my child, but I still can’t help but notice every pregnant woman, every stroller, and every baby’s cry. But I am so happy for everyone that is expecting a baby right now! They are miracles from God and you should be so thankful.
Today is my first day off so I’m taking it easy and hanging out with Grandma Horton, Terra, and Becky. We’ve gone to 2 softball games since them being here and have frozen to death every time. We bundle up and bring tons of blankets and snuggle! Fun times. =] They’re great memories.
I have started feeling emotions I didn’t even know I could have- and come to find out its completely normal. I still don’t blame anyone, even God, for my child, but I still can’t help but notice every pregnant woman, every stroller, and every baby’s cry. But I am so happy for everyone that is expecting a baby right now! They are miracles from God and you should be so thankful.
Today is my first day off so I’m taking it easy and hanging out with Grandma Horton, Terra, and Becky. We’ve gone to 2 softball games since them being here and have frozen to death every time. We bundle up and bring tons of blankets and snuggle! Fun times. =] They’re great memories.
3 people shared some ♥♥♥:
I know exactly what you are going through, every pain, every thought, every emotion. I've been in your shoes. You are normal and sometimes it seems not fair, really it does, but for some reason, God is allowing you to go through this time and only in time will you be able to realize it.
As far as those cold games you are going to... not me! If it wasn't storming, I'd be in our pool with the kids! Last night it felt soooo good and the water was warm. It was nice to get it in finally.
Have a great day.
Love you. Hope you enjoy the rest of you visit with your family. (I'll mail you that song info soon.)
This will seem weird coming from a stranger. I just happened to stumble upon your blog.
What a blessing you are to share your story. I have miscarried myself. It was easy to think that the reason it probably happened was because God/my body new it wasn't healthy. Even though its a common thing, I felt so alone despite family/friends/God. Just when the pain in your broken heart starts to dull, something will rip open the sore. If I have any advice, it is to share those moments with your husband and God. Let them hold you. It's probably hard to imagine right now, but through this experience you will find a blessing.
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